Old Geezer or Sexy Senior Citizen? Need Some Advice...

I discovered Chris Berry while doing some research (sounds better than sitting in front of the computer waisting (yes I mean waisting because that's where my lunch is going) time.
He was writing as Ole Geezer and this letter comes from a woman named Carlotta Flatzemill from Opalookalika, Florida who writes:


Wilbur bless his heart is rather rotund. In fact you could say that Wilbur’s physique resembles an orange on top of two toothpicks, (about the same color too). Wilbur also has a problem with excessively long hair growing from his ears and nostrils. He’s become so hard to look at Mr. Geezer that it’s just about killed off all the romance in our relationship.

One other thing, yesterday when me and Wilbur went shopping he tripped and fell and liked to never quit rolling. If he’d have been a bowling ball lord knows he would have got a strike. What kind of advice can you give me about the lack of romance, Wilbur’s appearance, and how I can minimize the damage when we go out in public?'

I am wondering what kind of advice I would give this refined lady...any advice?

and this little story is also from Chris Berry ...
He says, 'I sat there admiring my beautiful wife I couldn’t help thinking how cute she was even with all those wrinkles on her. Don’t get me wrong, wrinkles can be good things, (like laugh lines for example), and it seems that the longer I’m with my wife and the more wrinkled she gets the more I love her. I’m hoping that I still feel that way when she starts looking like a shar-pei. If she gets so old and wrinkled that I can’t bring myself to kiss her I’ll just pet her on the head and give her a scooby snack.

Anyway, one of the other things about getting old is that even though I haven’t lost my libido she seems to have. She thinks libido means leeb it o ver there. When I was younger she thought I was a handsome stud. Now she thinks I’m a randy old goat. She once told me that what with her arthritis and bad back she’s afraid of getting stuck in the position. She used to talk dirty to me. She still does but now she says stuff like “Get off me you old bastard”.

But she knows that I love her. And she knows that all that stuff I’ve been talking about, well I was just kidding.

Right honey? You know I’m just kidding right?'

Guess I've laughed and 'waisted' enough time so think I'll change chairs!

Go shopping, that's what I'll do..have you browsed Online Auction? I'll bet you will find the perfect gift for that special someone...how about a Comic Cow Figurine from Germany for your favorite heifer (now don't get miffed...heifer means a young cow that has not had a calf:)offered by Morerivethead


or for the person that seems to always max out their credit cards...here's the perfect gift from DollarDealsnMore
Who wouldn't love to have THAT?

Anyways, there's lots to discover. BTW, my treasures can be found at Supergrannys Treasures There's gotta be some collectors out there of advertising, ashtray collectibles plus much more.

Remember to BUY VINTAGE....once they're gone..they're gone!

Ever heard an Outhouse referred to as BC?

The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again and rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC. "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all, and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about he local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:


Dear Madam:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late. It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous. Even the normal delivery sounds can be heard.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now a supper is planned to raise money to buy more seats.

I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it surely is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow old, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.

If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember, this is a friendly community.

Sincerely,
Campground Owner

Bless her heart...this proper little lady is probably still on her FC (fainting couch) with the vapors! I enjoyed this little story and just wanted to share it with you all.

Are you in the mood to save ?

The 2009 Holidays are bearing down on us with breakneck speed...(picture Santa on the back of a wild-eyed reindeer)...Christmas is only 115 days away? Time to start shopping and here's the place to start... Online Auction . You'll find bargains galore.

For the Coke collector or for someone who 'brown bags' it to lunch everyday...here's a new Coca Cola Lunch Tote .at the bargain price of $4.00.

While you're there check out Supergrannys Treasures .

I am sad and worried...wanna help me pick out a new t-shirt?

Between being so sad that my only three grandsons have gone home to New Jersey (I am in Colorado) and worrying about the dreadful future of our country, along with sighing and reminiscing of the way things used to be....I am searching for coupons for Depends!! I've lost my 'rose-colored' glasses and am now seeing things in glaring color!! I wonder if that is why so many folks prefer to stay under their rock and not face the facts?

No matter how long and treacherous your life's journey may seem.....Remember there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

On a lighter note, I am a senior citizen that likes t-shirts with sayings on them. I just found some I have not seen before....check them out...ya think any of them would be good for me?
(I think she's cute!)
I hate when that happens
WOW, guess I wouldn't smile either!

Hey, gals, we aren't the only ones with pieces and parts heading south

Alright, I'll quit...BTW, you may or may not know I have a large collection of Advertising, Casino, Vintage Ashtrays that I have listed at my store at...Supergrannys Treasures. I have many boxes that are not listed. I frequently visit other sites to check on ashtrays. I have to say ebay is getting some action and the prices are good...many are selling much higher than what I have them listed at on OLA.com. I almost always shop for the best price...but these buyers just see it and bid on it! Guess I could sell them on ebay, but their fee schedule is getting truly gruesome and this ole filly can't afford the fees. If you can find it at OnlineAuction, it is generally a bargain...I know mine are. Take a gander and browse around... Supergrannys Treasures.

Keep a cool head and try not to hemorrhage through your eye sockets when you read or hear the news...

What do Retired People do all day?...Chinese Eye Test

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Here's an example of what one retired couple do to stay active and have a little harmless fun: the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a shit-head.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Oh, yes, it's nothing but busy busy busy!! I've not tried that one....haven't had time...By the time I get up, make coffee, clean teeth, put em in, get hubbys early morning pills, get pills for the two of us, roll him out of bed so I can make it, ask him what he wants for breakfast, turn on computer, get coffee, ask him what he wants for dinner, clean the litter box, decide what 'fashion' to wear, get dressed, ask him what he wants for lunch, he says...'still thinking on breakfast".....by then it's too late for breakfast...

It is important to keep your mind and body active, not to mention your bowels!

Don't neglect your eyesight...take this 'Chinese Eye Test'...

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling
the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.
It works ... I'm not kidding try it !!

My eyes are not that good, but I did manage to read it without pulling my eyes...guess everything is still good.....

Have a delicious day..got any good clever ideas to keep an old body alert and kicking? Please leave me a comment.............

My OLA House: http://www.onlineauction.com/store/supergranny

My website: http://supergrannystreasures.mybisi.com/

Dealing with Stress - Ask Questions - Take a Break

Are you feeling the stress of the economy, the government (now in the business of running banks and car companies), digesting the new taxes, giving millions to Basket Weaving(what?), the threat of a mouse extinction, wondering how warm can the globe be getting (you know, Global Warming) when the north pole can't be reached because it is too COLD this year?

Are you wondering why everyone from the government folks to the news media, are saying we spend our $ on middle east oil when Saudi is #3 behind Mexico #2 and Canada #1? Gas prices are going back up - what happened to Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less? What....do we all have short memories?

Has anybody asked the folks that WE elected to explain what is going on and why is all this happening? They are supposed to be working FOR us, aaarrgghhh!

OK, let's take a badly needed break and try to relax, smell the roses, and stop the blood from gushing from our eyes...
Someone said to do this to bring out your Inner Radiance.....or help to restore your sanity
(I don't know how effective this might be for me as a senior citizen - I'm thinking my inner radiance is imbedded so deep..it may be gone forever)

According to Ayurveda, the ancient tradition of medicine from India, a facial massage promotes health and brings out your inner radiance. Using your middle fingers, rub these points on your face in a clockwise direction for 20-30 seconds each: middle of the chin, corners of the mouth, middle of the area between your upper lip and nose, outer edges of both nostrils, center of the cheek bones, temples, and the space between the eyebrows.

Try whining! Don't forget the Bread & Cheese....................
Talking about your problems can seem unproductive. But vocalizing your thoughts about things that are bothering you is actually a great stress release — it gets what’s troubling you out of your head so you can say it stop dwelling and start moving forward. Make a date with a friend to take turns venting. When you’re the listener, don’t commiserate or offer advice. Just be an attentive audience. If you don’t want to vent to someone else, talk to yourself in the shower - in a LOUD voice.....or you could write it down. I know I feel much relieved after telling all of you my stresses....thanks!!

Some folks would benefit by trying this.....IF they can get on the floor.........Don't try this unless you can get back up!
Know how a cranky child magically transforms into a little angel after a nap? Today, treat yourself to five minutes of rest. Gather two firm pillows, then sit on your heels on the floor. Keeping your toes together, open the knees wide and stack the pillows between your knees. Rest your torso on the pillows, head turned to one side. Breathe deeply, releasing tension with each exhale. After several breaths, turn your head to the other side.

Is this helping to relieve your stress? Try this...
Take the sting out of the stress of watching or listening to the news with this 30-second massage. Rest your elbows on a table and place your thumbs under your eyebrows on either side of the bridge of your nose. Let the weight of your head rest on your thumbs for 10 seconds. Then pinch your eyebrows with your thumbs and index fingers. Hold for 1 second, then move your fingers a half-inch out. Repeat until you’ve covered the whole brow.

Occasionaly forget the worlds woes and pretend it is your birthday and splurge by expending what energy you have left on you...
Remember when Mom used to make your favorite meal for your birthday, and how great it made you feel? Pretend it's your birthday and treat yourself to one of your very favorite things — whether it's homemade mac and cheese, a bouquet of fresh flowers, or even a nap. When you make it a point to treat yourself well, other people will be more likely to do the same.

Of course, shopping for a little "sumpin sumpin" for yourself or a gift for someone else is a fun thing to do. I'm thinking you all should make a visit to the Bargain place on the web. OnlineAuction.com. CLICK HERE for Online Auction

CLICK HERE for my store