Old Geezer or Sexy Senior Citizen? Need Some Advice...

I discovered Chris Berry while doing some research (sounds better than sitting in front of the computer waisting (yes I mean waisting because that's where my lunch is going) time.
He was writing as Ole Geezer and this letter comes from a woman named Carlotta Flatzemill from Opalookalika, Florida who writes:


Wilbur bless his heart is rather rotund. In fact you could say that Wilbur’s physique resembles an orange on top of two toothpicks, (about the same color too). Wilbur also has a problem with excessively long hair growing from his ears and nostrils. He’s become so hard to look at Mr. Geezer that it’s just about killed off all the romance in our relationship.

One other thing, yesterday when me and Wilbur went shopping he tripped and fell and liked to never quit rolling. If he’d have been a bowling ball lord knows he would have got a strike. What kind of advice can you give me about the lack of romance, Wilbur’s appearance, and how I can minimize the damage when we go out in public?'

I am wondering what kind of advice I would give this refined lady...any advice?

and this little story is also from Chris Berry ...
He says, 'I sat there admiring my beautiful wife I couldn’t help thinking how cute she was even with all those wrinkles on her. Don’t get me wrong, wrinkles can be good things, (like laugh lines for example), and it seems that the longer I’m with my wife and the more wrinkled she gets the more I love her. I’m hoping that I still feel that way when she starts looking like a shar-pei. If she gets so old and wrinkled that I can’t bring myself to kiss her I’ll just pet her on the head and give her a scooby snack.

Anyway, one of the other things about getting old is that even though I haven’t lost my libido she seems to have. She thinks libido means leeb it o ver there. When I was younger she thought I was a handsome stud. Now she thinks I’m a randy old goat. She once told me that what with her arthritis and bad back she’s afraid of getting stuck in the position. She used to talk dirty to me. She still does but now she says stuff like “Get off me you old bastard”.

But she knows that I love her. And she knows that all that stuff I’ve been talking about, well I was just kidding.

Right honey? You know I’m just kidding right?'

Guess I've laughed and 'waisted' enough time so think I'll change chairs!

Go shopping, that's what I'll do..have you browsed Online Auction? I'll bet you will find the perfect gift for that special someone...how about a Comic Cow Figurine from Germany for your favorite heifer (now don't get miffed...heifer means a young cow that has not had a calf:)offered by Morerivethead


or for the person that seems to always max out their credit cards...here's the perfect gift from DollarDealsnMore
Who wouldn't love to have THAT?

Anyways, there's lots to discover. BTW, my treasures can be found at Supergrannys Treasures There's gotta be some collectors out there of advertising, ashtray collectibles plus much more.

Remember to BUY VINTAGE....once they're gone..they're gone!

What do Retired People do all day?...Chinese Eye Test

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.

Here's an example of what one retired couple do to stay active and have a little harmless fun: the other day my wife and I went into town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, 'Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a shit-head.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus. We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Oh, yes, it's nothing but busy busy busy!! I've not tried that one....haven't had time...By the time I get up, make coffee, clean teeth, put em in, get hubbys early morning pills, get pills for the two of us, roll him out of bed so I can make it, ask him what he wants for breakfast, turn on computer, get coffee, ask him what he wants for dinner, clean the litter box, decide what 'fashion' to wear, get dressed, ask him what he wants for lunch, he says...'still thinking on breakfast".....by then it's too late for breakfast...

It is important to keep your mind and body active, not to mention your bowels!

Don't neglect your eyesight...take this 'Chinese Eye Test'...

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling
the corner of your eyes as if you were Chinese.
It works ... I'm not kidding try it !!

My eyes are not that good, but I did manage to read it without pulling my eyes...guess everything is still good.....

Have a delicious day..got any good clever ideas to keep an old body alert and kicking? Please leave me a comment.............

My OLA House: http://www.onlineauction.com/store/supergranny

My website: http://supergrannystreasures.mybisi.com/

There's More Than One Way of Looking at Things!..Senior humor..Weight Loss Tips

There's more than one way to look at things......for example...

Two old guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

A little known fact....The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Now, here's a thought...New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Why are they looking for a larger group? Weren't they fat enough?!

"You know you're fat when you iron your pants in the driveway." BTW, you gotta "drive" your iron or by the time you're finished...your legs are weak, you're exhausted, and you need a nap!

All is not lost...there is hope...read on...

Weight Loss Tips from Larry Wentz - "Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!"

"When eating donuts - only eat the center part." That way, you won't get the nasty sticky sweet scrumptious flavors all over your fingers! No need to lick...

"Eat your food while staring into a mirror.....totally naked!" EEEKK!

"Eat your food with one chopstick!" Can I have some honey?

"Is there really anything "lite" about cellulite?" What do you call this? Senior dress code gone awry?

"I am not overweight. I am chocolate-enriched." That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Larry Wentz

Remember a hearty belly laugh uses somewhere around 40 calories...gives your heart and brain a boost! We seniors need all the help we can muster up!

Summer is here...be careful in the sun and heat...maybe you need a wide brim hat...it gets really warm busying yourself watching the grass grow...

I bought this in Palm Springs a couple of winters ago and wore it very briefly to a Red Hat Society function. Looks like new and is a BARGAIN! "
Wide Brim Red Hat

We have been enjoying the birds that frequent our yard...every yard needs a Bird House and here's one that is collectible and priced very low...
Collectible Coca-Cola Wooden Bird House

All the sellers at OLA have thousands of bargains...
CLICK HERE for Online Auction

Thomas Jefferson-A Wise Man

When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty. - Thomas Jefferson
.....really take some time and think about his comment...our future generations depend on it.

Here's another word from the wise Jefferson....

To take from one because it is thought that his own industry and that of his father’s has acquired too much, in order to spare to others, who, or whose fathers, have not exercised equal industry and skill, is to violate arbitrarily the first principle of association—the guarantee to every one of a free exercise of his industry and the fruits acquired by it.

I think myself that we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious. - Thomas Jefferson

These comments from the 1800s are appropriate for today...WHAT are We The People allowing to happen?

and yet another Jefferson wise snippet....
In matters of style, swim with the current;
In matters of principle, stand like a rock.

So, ask yourself, are you going with the current trend of Big Government? or are you sticking to your principles and standing firm like a rock for our liberty? We need to use common sense when "hiring" our representatives. They are supposed to have OUR best interests at heart.....think about it!!

Now, back to being an aging badly, retired bit of humor...
A Biker and His Babe See what we have to look forward to....


This is what happens when your children take away your driver's license . I must really be slipping......looks like FUN to me!

Have a Delicious day!!!

Senior Citizen Life Problems...Concerns...Sex

Let's face it....George Burns comment does carry some merit.....

I sure am somber today.....

Death is inevitable so I try to keep the "Energy Vampires" at bay by smiling and laughing more!

Happiness to me is good health and a bad memory!

My daddy used to always say "Life isn't fair...but it's good"!

This is an oldie but a goodie....Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I LOVE martinis and my body is NOT well preserved and I'm certainly worn out.....so I've got part of it right already....

I hope as I get older I can hang on to that motto.....think I'll print it out and hang it where I will see it repeatedly.

As curiocache

says....Live, Love, Laugh!!


Now if I could get all my treasures to new homes.....check them out....There are lots of vintage bargains and a whole whack of collectible ashtrays...

CLICK HERE for Supergrannys Treasures

Anybody got a good joke?

Cat in the Hat on Aging...Senior Humor or Despair

THE CAT IN THE HAT ON AGING...
Just in case you weren't feeling old enough today.......let me make you feel a teeny bit worse.....

The people who are starting college this fall were born
in 1990.

They are too young to remember the explosion of the
shuttle Challenger.

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.

The CD was introduced two years before they were born.

They have always had an answering machine.

They have always had cable.

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.

Popcorn has always been microwaved.

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.

They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.

They never heard: 'Where's the Beef?', 'I'd walk a mile
for a Camel', or 'de plane Boss, de plane'.

McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Notice the larger type?
That's for those of us who have trouble reading.

P.S. Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.



CLICK HERE for my store I will be listing new items this weekend including this Quartz Watch

OnlineAuction.com has the best bargains on the net - Visit now - Visit often.....
CLICK HERE for Online Auction

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD

A buyer from OnlineAuction.com

http://www.onlineauction.com/index.php has become a very dear friend to me through OLA. I'm sure many know what an asset she is to OLA....VHSQUEEN.....just sent me this really funny but true story of a fellow senior. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did. She added some needed brevity to my day and I thank her!!!

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."

George said, "Okay."

He hung up the phone and counted to 30.

Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter , two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

(True Story)
I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people

A simple but profoundly positive way to meet new people is through your customers - the buyers! Without them where would we be? Here's a tribute to all those buyers out there.

Course, we sellers are the CAT'S MEOW also!!

If you have never visited our site - do so...a bargain place to

buy and sell

http://www.onlineauction.com/store/supergranny

Senior Life - Retirement

This is just the cutest!!




Wanna shop?

My OLA House: http://www.onlineauction.com/store/supergranny

My website: http://supergrannystreasures.mybisi.com/

John Stossel Give Me a Break!....Political Correctness....plus a Senior Moment

For an interesting viewpoint, WATCH ABC with John Stossel: "Give Me a Break!"
"This Friday, March 13, "20/20" airs my special, "Bailouts and Bull" 10 p.m. ET."

PC Update............
Speaking of government, politics, bailouts, bull, PC, political correctness. Here is the latest in PC requirements suggestions................

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

3 He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

4. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

5. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'


Enough political type "stuff" - here is a slice of life from my own. I swear this is true!!

Does anybody out there watch American Idol? Well, my husband and I were watching Tuesday evening and was really irritated when the judges were so mean to Anoop so we decided to vote (we had never before voted - just watched).

SO at the conclusion of the show I started dialing the phone over and over again. The proverbial "light bulb" went off - we have redial. DUH...........anyway, I got tired of pushing redial so I asked my husband to do it for awhile. He pushed redial and is sitting there listening to the phone. I thought, "wonder what they're saying to him they didn't say to me?" All I ever heard was "Thank you for voting".


I finally said, "Bob.......what are you doing?" He says, "they said "thank you for holding" so I am!!!" Can you say HEARING AID? We had a good time laughing .....

Such is the life in a senior household.............

We quit smoking many many moons ago.....I was collecting ashtrays....now I want to put them in new homes. Please mosey on over to My OLA House and browse........ CLICK HERE for supergrannys store


Here's some other Houses you should check out..........

CLICK HERE for curiocaches store

CLICK HERE for draggontaggers store "Home of the Famous Draggon Turds"

CLICK HERE for 2txladybugs store

CLICK HERE for who8dmous store


This is just four examples of the 100's of vendors that offer the opportunity for shopping for bargains at the...

Bargain Place OnLine!!! OnlineAuction.com