Old Geezer or Sexy Senior Citizen? Need Some Advice...

I discovered Chris Berry while doing some research (sounds better than sitting in front of the computer waisting (yes I mean waisting because that's where my lunch is going) time.
He was writing as Ole Geezer and this letter comes from a woman named Carlotta Flatzemill from Opalookalika, Florida who writes:


Wilbur bless his heart is rather rotund. In fact you could say that Wilbur’s physique resembles an orange on top of two toothpicks, (about the same color too). Wilbur also has a problem with excessively long hair growing from his ears and nostrils. He’s become so hard to look at Mr. Geezer that it’s just about killed off all the romance in our relationship.

One other thing, yesterday when me and Wilbur went shopping he tripped and fell and liked to never quit rolling. If he’d have been a bowling ball lord knows he would have got a strike. What kind of advice can you give me about the lack of romance, Wilbur’s appearance, and how I can minimize the damage when we go out in public?'

I am wondering what kind of advice I would give this refined lady...any advice?

and this little story is also from Chris Berry ...
He says, 'I sat there admiring my beautiful wife I couldn’t help thinking how cute she was even with all those wrinkles on her. Don’t get me wrong, wrinkles can be good things, (like laugh lines for example), and it seems that the longer I’m with my wife and the more wrinkled she gets the more I love her. I’m hoping that I still feel that way when she starts looking like a shar-pei. If she gets so old and wrinkled that I can’t bring myself to kiss her I’ll just pet her on the head and give her a scooby snack.

Anyway, one of the other things about getting old is that even though I haven’t lost my libido she seems to have. She thinks libido means leeb it o ver there. When I was younger she thought I was a handsome stud. Now she thinks I’m a randy old goat. She once told me that what with her arthritis and bad back she’s afraid of getting stuck in the position. She used to talk dirty to me. She still does but now she says stuff like “Get off me you old bastard”.

But she knows that I love her. And she knows that all that stuff I’ve been talking about, well I was just kidding.

Right honey? You know I’m just kidding right?'

Guess I've laughed and 'waisted' enough time so think I'll change chairs!

Go shopping, that's what I'll do..have you browsed Online Auction? I'll bet you will find the perfect gift for that special someone...how about a Comic Cow Figurine from Germany for your favorite heifer (now don't get miffed...heifer means a young cow that has not had a calf:)offered by Morerivethead


or for the person that seems to always max out their credit cards...here's the perfect gift from DollarDealsnMore
Who wouldn't love to have THAT?

Anyways, there's lots to discover. BTW, my treasures can be found at Supergrannys Treasures There's gotta be some collectors out there of advertising, ashtray collectibles plus much more.

Remember to BUY VINTAGE....once they're gone..they're gone!

Words for Women to Live By...

I've heard of some of these...and they are still viable things to consider. Take a minute and do a little 'musing' of your own....I'm just saying, this is how this senior citizen sees things now....

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color. (sad thing is...I used to do that very thing when I had a career and $...)

3. Take life with a pinch of salt.... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila. (Jimmy Buffett..meet you in Margaritaville to look for my lost jigger of salt...WOOHOO!!)

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. (do they consider 'Depends' big girl panties?)

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality. (nanny nanny boo boo...NO more PMS for me!)

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here. (don't be jealous because the voices only talk to me)

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. (and if I didn't have this short term memory loss...I'd be tempted less often...)

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny. (wear a thong...not enough material there to get in a knot)

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka. (refer to #3..)

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit! (still got my good looking, sweet, man....)

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.. (wonder if it took me 40 yrs to get my brains?)

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble. (Beware of 'retreads')

15. By the time a woman realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong. (did I do that?)

Don't forget to hold your friends close in your heart...spread smiles generously on your 'slice of life' and enjoy every crooked grin you get in return... Go slow, enjoy...this 'slide down the back side of life' is FAST!!

I did have a 'resurrection' of sorts this past week and spent some time listing a bunch of 'treasure' at OLA.com.
CLICK HERE for Supergrannys Treasures

Throw all caution to the wind and take a peek...shopping always gets the 'juices' flowing.........

Senior Citizen Life Problems...Concerns...Sex

Let's face it....George Burns comment does carry some merit.....

I sure am somber today.....

Death is inevitable so I try to keep the "Energy Vampires" at bay by smiling and laughing more!

Happiness to me is good health and a bad memory!

My daddy used to always say "Life isn't fair...but it's good"!

This is an oldie but a goodie....Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

I LOVE martinis and my body is NOT well preserved and I'm certainly worn out.....so I've got part of it right already....

I hope as I get older I can hang on to that motto.....think I'll print it out and hang it where I will see it repeatedly.

As curiocache

says....Live, Love, Laugh!!


Now if I could get all my treasures to new homes.....check them out....There are lots of vintage bargains and a whole whack of collectible ashtrays...

CLICK HERE for Supergrannys Treasures

Anybody got a good joke?

John Stossel Give Me a Break!....Political Correctness....plus a Senior Moment

For an interesting viewpoint, WATCH ABC with John Stossel: "Give Me a Break!"
"This Friday, March 13, "20/20" airs my special, "Bailouts and Bull" 10 p.m. ET."

PC Update............
Speaking of government, politics, bailouts, bull, PC, political correctness. Here is the latest in PC requirements suggestions................

Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

3 He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

4. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

5. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE.'


Enough political type "stuff" - here is a slice of life from my own. I swear this is true!!

Does anybody out there watch American Idol? Well, my husband and I were watching Tuesday evening and was really irritated when the judges were so mean to Anoop so we decided to vote (we had never before voted - just watched).

SO at the conclusion of the show I started dialing the phone over and over again. The proverbial "light bulb" went off - we have redial. DUH...........anyway, I got tired of pushing redial so I asked my husband to do it for awhile. He pushed redial and is sitting there listening to the phone. I thought, "wonder what they're saying to him they didn't say to me?" All I ever heard was "Thank you for voting".


I finally said, "Bob.......what are you doing?" He says, "they said "thank you for holding" so I am!!!" Can you say HEARING AID? We had a good time laughing .....

Such is the life in a senior household.............

We quit smoking many many moons ago.....I was collecting ashtrays....now I want to put them in new homes. Please mosey on over to My OLA House and browse........ CLICK HERE for supergrannys store


Here's some other Houses you should check out..........

CLICK HERE for curiocaches store

CLICK HERE for draggontaggers store "Home of the Famous Draggon Turds"

CLICK HERE for 2txladybugs store

CLICK HERE for who8dmous store


This is just four examples of the 100's of vendors that offer the opportunity for shopping for bargains at the...

Bargain Place OnLine!!! OnlineAuction.com

Busier than a one arm Juggler Senior Citizen with Bargains

Senior living just keeps going on......things keep changing....usually the things I don't want to change....

I saw a couple of funny cartoons for us seniors......I don't know, maybe they are only funny to us but I got a belly rolling laugh out of them....Let's see what you think.


and not to leave the hubby out (even though he doesn't drink beer) since we are all trying to exercise.......


Here's what's NEW as of today....I am cleaning out my jewelry box - gave the girls whatever they wanted and I'm selling the rest. 10 and 14 KT gold necklaces and bracelets, fine costume jewelry, and more.

Why am I doing this - well, it's all been in boxes for more than 2 years and I haven't missed it and I haven't even found the rest of it yet. My husband summed it up the other evening and I just about lost my teeth (yes, they can go flying). He said "we don't need much since we are living the Ma and Pa Kettle Lifestyle!" After I got up from rolling around on the floor, I thought, he's right I don't wear it so why do I want to store it. Besides, I will eventually need the extra money for those adult diapers and liquid food.... Well, there your are, senior common sense!!

I'm giving you all a heads up here is some pictures of the items I've just listed and where you can find them....





See them all at My OLA House: http://www.onlineauction.com/store/supergranny