Thursday, June 4, 2009

There's More Than One Way of Looking at Things!..Senior humor..Weight Loss Tips

There's more than one way to look at things......for example...

Two old guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and family values. Stu said, 'I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?' Leroy replied, 'I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?

'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.. 'How was he killed?' asked one detective. 'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied. 'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?' 'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.'

A little known fact....The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Now, here's a thought...New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Why are they looking for a larger group? Weren't they fat enough?!

"You know you're fat when you iron your pants in the driveway." BTW, you gotta "drive" your iron or by the time you're finished...your legs are weak, you're exhausted, and you need a nap!

All is not lost...there is hope...read on...

Weight Loss Tips from Larry Wentz - "Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!"

"When eating donuts - only eat the center part." That way, you won't get the nasty sticky sweet scrumptious flavors all over your fingers! No need to lick...

"Eat your food while staring into a mirror.....totally naked!" EEEKK!

"Eat your food with one chopstick!" Can I have some honey?

"Is there really anything "lite" about cellulite?" What do you call this? Photobucket Senior dress code gone awry?

"I am not overweight. I am chocolate-enriched." That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Larry Wentz

Remember a hearty belly laugh uses somewhere around 40 calories...gives your heart and brain a boost! We seniors need all the help we can muster up!

Summer is here...be careful in the sun and heat...maybe you need a wide brim hat...it gets really warm busying yourself watching the grass grow...

I bought this in Palm Springs a couple of winters ago and wore it very briefly to a Red Hat Society function. Looks like new and is a BARGAIN! "
Wide Brim Red Hat

We have been enjoying the birds that frequent our yard...every yard needs a Bird House and here's one that is collectible and priced very low...
Collectible Coca-Cola Wooden Bird House

All the sellers at OLA have thousands of bargains...
CLICK HERE for Online Auction

6 comments:

grouchow said...

I love that that Larry Wentz pointer!"Forget Liposuction - Try Lip Obstruction!"
I need to do some of that, lol!

The Bird house is to die for but, I gotta tell ya! I have enough of them nesting in the fruit trees around here!!!!! I'm still waiting on doing a pruning on the peach tree because there is still a nester in there!

Next year I am gonna charge the birds a TAX! lol :)

Fleapirates said...

A state police officer observed a car puttering along at 22 mph. He turned his lights on and pulled over the car. Approaching the car, he noticed that it contained 5 old ladies, two in the front and three in the back, and that all the ladies were wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, said, "Officer, I don't understand. I was going exactly the speed limit. What's the problem?"

"ma'am", the officer replied, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? I am following the posted speed limit exactly!"

The officer, trying to contain a chuckle, explained that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. Embarrassed, the woman smiled and thanked him for pointing out her error. Before letting her go, however, the officer asked, "Is everyone in the car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't made a peep this whole time."

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

:)

Supergranny said...

Thanks Ace! Flea, love your story - thanks!

thetikishak said...

Thanks for the laughs this morning SuperG!!!! Really love the Coca Cola birdhouse, too cute!!!

Supergranny said...

Thanks, Tiks, hope everyone has a delicious day!

Sunflower Ranch said...

SG!! You always have the funniest jokes!! We love them all -- that picture is priceless, too, OMG, those thighs. Made me want to skip breakfast!! And Flea, I read your story to hubby and he loved it!! Route 119. Too much! [I do all the driving around here, we're often out on 162 and 167 ... uh-oh, watch out! LOL]

Thanks SG for the great chuckle today! have a grand day! :D